table of contents

Hi, I’m Heather Gold.

This book is being written openly and conversationally. There will sometimes be video and possibly even performance. This is about something that is not linear, so it’s a little difficult to make a sequential list. Everything is subject to change. Especially this table of contents. Even you.

We are not going to think our way out of this massive economic and cultural change often popularly called a recession: we’re going to feel our way out.

Agile start ups and networked business and social capital are all often looked to as the hope for a way what Umair Haque calls the Capitalists Dilemma: when generating prosperity causes harm.

The assumption of agile start ups and networked businesses is that they require community and social engagement. Because it’s how you market, but also how you retain people, develop customers, constantly develop product which isn’t static, and keep people connected to each other to work together and to the venture when they could have so many other options.

Beyond this is the much more basic truth that all of our technology and economics exist because they are generated by people. People and human needs are the basic underpinnings of what we’re doing. And people are social. We do things for and to be with each other.

Given all that what makes those meaningful relationships exist and how do we get there? We need to transform from talking AT and TO people to being WITH them. We need art. We need to hold the contradictions together. We need WITH relationships.

We will have to shift our prioritizing thinking over feeling, something that also caused us to treat people like objects. Learning how to really see or hear others is a critical element to having a WITH relationship. This means business and tech, ironically, will have to focus on the same problems as social justice efforts. It means the world of software will have to grapple with peoples’ subjective experience, not just people as objects. Some wisdom on WITH relationships and feeling is in the very populations most marginalized traditionally by business: all women and men of colour. And the way for us all to get better at this isn’t just to analyze the problem and think about it but to feel our way out of it. We have to get better at feeling.


  1. law skul refugee
  2. comedy
  3. theatre
  4. web
  5. therapy and psychological development
  6. the economy is just people and people are just feelings

emotional engagement

  1. information flow / social flow
  2. authenticity is the new authority: CARE
  3. emotional entry points
  4. the advantage of liminality
  5. conflict / the unexpected
  6. celebrity culture vs web culture
  7. the myth of influence

we’re not going to think our way out of this mess we’re going to feel our way out

  1. ourselves together
  2. AT and TO
  3. the “feminine” moves to the centre via “social media”
  4. attention
  5. influence
  6. “does it scale?” and other fears
  7. But what is the money *for*? (napsterizing politics and other big changes coming)
  8. The intimacy economy

everything I need to know about the web I learned from feminism

  1. the personal is political / public
  2. bearing witness
  3. the margin is in the marginalized

there’s no avoiding personal growth

  1. marriage, business, technology and social justice all have the same problem
  2. difference
  3. tolerating emotion
  4. emotional containment


I want to know what you think. Blog or tweet with #WITH and talk to me on twitter @heathr and here.